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Someone needs better gloves next time.

Is it just me or do I see death in her scarf / cape thingy >.>

Que Mason stopping the action. After all, he got the merchandise back.

Why do I suspect that enchantment does not harm anyone Sesame sees as an ally or a friend? Kinda leaves Dante out, doesn’t it? (I would have said “out in the cold”, but somehow that didn’t fit a sword with a fire enchantment)

Sesame, a more effective tactic would have been to NOT call out your attack, telling your opponent that your about to strike is usually not a good idea, unless you’re the resourceful type

Actually, calling out your attack may confuse them on the fact you’d give away your attack, such tactics HAVE been used before.

I said it’s “usually” not a good idea, I know that it can be a effective tactic, it all depends on who’s using it and who they’re up against, some may take the bait, others see right through it.

How did the knife get launched in that direction, though? I can’t really follow the action those last few panels…

The knife was flung by Sesame’s thrust, not very hard to see if you look at the last panel

Actually it was a twist of the blade after the slash. There was no thrust i believe. Dante released the dagger onto the blade because of the heat, so Sesame twisted her sword to fling the dagger.

Panel 3: That has to be a freeze-frame in the middle of the action, where Sesame is midway through an attack that would have bisected Dante. The alternative is that Sesame swung her sword in an attack that was supposed to STOP before hitting Dante, because otherwise there’s no way she could work against the inertia of that massive weapon in time, super-strength or no.

That means that between Panels 3 and 4, Sesame’s sword has continued moving behind Dante and is currently being brought around for another attack.

Panel 4: Dante is caught off-guard by the burning effect, probably loosening her grip on her weapon somewhat. This makes the easy-disarm believable.

Panel 5: However, the lines of action show that Sesame used a *thrust* to knock the dagger away. If that’s the case, it would have gone in the direction of the thrust… or, more likely, it would have gone in the direction of gravity, because it would be really hard to apply any real force to a weapon that small in someone’s hand.

I can’t figure out how the dagger went upward at all, not to mention that it was flung hard enough to embed itself in a TREE. If the angle of attack was different, or if there were a few more panels showing a disarm-reposition-upward sweep, I could believe it a bit more easily, but if the action doesn’t flow, it can hurt a reader’s immersion.

/constructive criticism

All I can say is, Sesame thrust her sword forward at Dante as she was distracted by the burns.. the blades collided and the dagger was flung from Dante’s hand to the tree. As simple as that. Maybe you’re looking too much into it.

Looking too much into it? It’s an action scene. If it doesn’t flow, suspension of disbelief goes out the window.

I didn’t get to that panel and immediately think of all that stuff I wrote in the last post; I got there and thought “Huh. That doesn’t seem quite right.” Those kinds of speedbumps are things you want to avoid at all costs in fight scenes, and I threw in that overanalysis to help explain where I think the speedbump came from – there’s no possible way the dagger could be sent flying at that angle, given the situation we see on the page.

It’s criticism, nothing more. Take it or leave it, but don’t accuse me of “looking too much into it” when I’m trying to help you guys improve your craft.

If you are going to attempt to ‘constructively’ criticize something it is important you explain ‘exactly how’ whatever you are critiquing can be fixed. Otherwise it isn’t constructive criticism, you are only explaining what looks wrong – rather then how one should fix it. No-one can learn much from just someone saying ‘this is wrong’. Thus rendering this ‘criticism to help us improve our craft’ pointless. Remember,the whole point of constructive criticism is to help,I honestly didn’t get that from your post as it seemed more like a complaint. We are welcomed to constructive criticism when it is eloquently explained.Hopefully this will help you with your own criticisms in the future. 🙂

I know, right? it’s so annoying when people don’t give any suggestions for what to fix and instead just bitch and whine about all the problems in a story or complain about things they don’t like. It’s the equivalent of a Phillip M. Jackson rant.

There is a difference between criticism and constructive critique.

Just because you explain in full detail why something is wrong, if you don’t offer an explanation or suggestion on how to do it better then you aren’t being helpful. Often those types of comments get overlooked as people who are producing content cannot derive anything of value from it other then the person commenting doesn’t like it. In that case – what as a content creator can you do?

“If the angle of attack was different, or if there were a few more
panels showing a disarm-reposition-upward sweep, I could believe it a
bit more easily”

That was in my second post.

I normally avoid giving *specific* solutions for problems when I give criticism unless I know a person well; for all I know, there could be something I’m missing. That’s why I initially posted “I don’t understand how this works” instead of flat-out saying “I think this could be improved.”

The reason I avoid giving specific solutions is because – and I think this is loosely quoting Neil Gaiman – if someone thinks there’s something wrong with your work, they’re usually right, but if they tell you EXACTLY what’s wrong with your work, they’re usually wrong. I don’t know the backstory, characters, setting, or minor details of this comic as well as you guys do, and I’m not a comic artist – I’m a writer. Chances are, you guys will have a better idea how to solve something than I do.

I’m not trying to be hostile here. I know what it’s like to create something, I know how much it can suck when people point out flaws in a thing you create, and I know how difficult it can be to tell the difference between jerks who mindlessly harass you and people who genuinely want to help you improve. But I also know how important it is to take in feedback as part of the learning process.

Here is the general feedback I was trying to provide, leaving it open for you guys (the experts) to think on it if you wish, potentially avoiding this in the future:

-The way the characters move from panel to panel does not feel intuitive. Sesame, from Panel 3 to Panel 5, presumably did something to compensate for the missed strike, to wind up for the next attack, and so forth. If we don’t see that, we don’t know it happened. It looks like she swung out, stopped her sword in midair (panel 3) and turned it sideways (panel 5).

-The way the dagger was sent flying does not make sense. If it gets twisted/wrenched out of a person’s hand, it will fall to the floor. If it gets knocked out by a heavy strike (like what seems to be happening here), it will go in the direction of the strike.

-Positive feedback: the way Sesame is leaning back really shows the weight of the sword and the effort she’s putting into it, Dante’s bit in panel 4 makes it really believable that she could drop her weapon, panels 1 and 2 are just awesome in general.

If you (for some reason) want SPECIFIC advice on how to fix this from a person (me) who has no experience in art (but plenty of experience in narrative form, and action scenes in particular):

-Think of each move in terms of action and reaction, both with the person attacking and the person defending. Sesame’s action: she swings a big heavy sword. Dante’s reaction: she leaps over the sword. Sesame’s reaction here should be that she struggles to get the weapon back under control to bring it about for another hit or block.

-Show EVERY STEP NECESSARY to keep the flow going. Readers can fill in the blanks in some cases, but in an action scene you can’t just let people assume “he/she got to this point somehow.” How did Sesame get her sword back into position to thrust? We don’t know.

-To get people to believe the big things, you have to allow them to believe the little things. I can believe that Sesame is strong and skilled enough to knock a dagger out of a person’s hand, have that dagger spin hard and far enough, blade-first, to end an inch-deep in a tree branch five feet up, all without hurting the dagger-wielder. I CANNOT believe that she can knock a blade upward by thrusting sideways. That simply isn’t how cause and effect works.

Let me reiterate: I’m not suggesting that this page be changed. I’m saying that in the future, when you do action scenes, these are things to keep in mind. You guys are experienced artists, and maybe this one thing was a fluke, but there’s ALWAYS room for feedback, and if my criticism can help future action scenes feel more natural, then it will have been worth writing these gigantic comments.

Thank you for the more detailed comment. We will try our best to work on action scenes in the future to improve the flow of the pages.The next page I felt flows alot better action-wise. Still learning an awful lot but we are eager to improve and make the best comic to our capabilities.

Dude, ITS-A-COMIC. It’s about anthropomorphic animal people and magic and time travel. It’s just meant to be fun. You’re expecting the creators to be experts in the laws of physics and force dynamics. In order to “show every step necessary to keep the flow going” would result in months of comics just to cover a five minute fight and would result in a dead stop in the over all story line. Just read it, enjoy it (or don’t) and move on.

I believe that this is a comment section, not an essay site. lol.
also, it is possible. if the dagger is being held at a perfect angle, it can be sent any which way, even straight up. think of it like hitting a baseball: Its where you hit on the baseball that determines where and how the ball will fly. (not saying you would normally thrust at a baseball, but you get the point.) Also, if anime has taught us anything, its that everything is possible if you believe in yourself! 😀

Definitely tuned to crazy. I’ve rarely met a man in person with ironed hair curls. Could the person be Jill or Art telling Alex, ‘no’? My bet it’s Jill.

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